When you think about what stresses you out, what comes to mind? Perhaps things like your job, money, relationships, health concerns or that never-ending to-do list. It seems like stress is everywhere in our lives! And when we think of managing our stress we usually try to come up with things to do differently. We look at situations in our life we can change, actions we can add, or responsibilities we can remove to create more balance.
Yet we often do not pay attention to one of the main causes of stress: our thoughts. Whenever you think about anything or anyone that is upsetting you in anyway, you create stress. And whenever you allow yourself to become overwhelmed with worrisome or fearful thoughts, you create stress.
One of our biggest challenges in life is actually not the challenges we face but rather what we think about them. Our thoughts significantly influence our reality because what we think influences how we react and respond. Take a simple example: if you think that anyone who cuts you off in traffic is a huge jerk who should be punished, you may respond by getting upset, honking, throwing up a lude gesture, or name-calling. These reactions raise your blood pressure and create an adrenalin surge, thereby increasing your stress level. All of this just because you think it's wrong to be cut off and reacted in response to that thought. Imagine if you could shift your thinking to believing that you just did someone a favor. In an instant you have the choice to think thoughts that leave you a stressed out road-rager or a good Samaritan. Which thought feels better?
We may not have control of what is happening in our life, but we do have control over what and how we think about it. Unplugging from negative thinking can be challenging, since most of us have gotten very familiar with the following three stress-producing mental patterns:
1. Negative self talk about ourselves
2. Negative self talk about others and/or situations
3. Negative future fantasizing (aka worry or fear about the future)
I don't care how many yoga classes you take, relaxing meditation CD's you listen to, massages you get, vision boards you make, or green smoothies or exotic tea drinks you consume, if you are not setting a strong intention to unplug from negative thinking, you are missing one of the key ingredients to creating balance in your life.
Of course, engaging in stress-reducing activities is helpful, but you will get more bang for your buck if you are mindful of your thoughts while doing them. For instance, have you ever taken a yoga class (or participated in any other de-stressing activity) and noticed that although your body may have been present doing something to create balance, your mind was somewhere in the past or the future engaged in one or more of the above negative thought patterns?
If you really want to experience less stress in your life, it's time to unplug from negative thinking. Having dominion over your thoughts will support you in feeling recharged and renewed in all aspects of your life!
Now you may be thinking, "Okay Miss Suzy Sunshine, how do you possibly expect me to think positively about something that is just plain awful in my life?" While it's true that a spoonful of positive self-talk during situations like losing your job, facing an illness or grieving a relationship may sound unreasonable, you can ALWAYS choose more life-enhancing thoughts. For instance, "I accept what is going on, even if I do not like it much; I forgive myself for blaming myself or anyone else for this; I am willing to learn from this; I will do something for myself that feels good" and so on.
Unplugging from mental patterns that create stress does take practice and intention. A wonderful first step is to come up with a catch phrase that you can say to yourself whenever you notice yourself stressing yourself out with your thoughts. One of my favorites is: "STOP. This is not my direction, I am choosing different thoughts." Often just internally saying STOP is enough. Additionally, I recommend investing 30 minutes a day of engaging in life-enhancing thoughts. You can break the 30 minutes up into segments throughout your day. Here are some suggestions for how you can spend your time recharging your mental battery with uplifting thoughts:
• Think about gratitude by writing in a journal about all the things you appreciate
• Think about a beautiful memory or a inspired vision you have of your future
• Trigger self-supporting thoughts by talking to a loved one about something that fills you with joy
• Engage in any type of creative thinking
• Repeat affirmations internally or aloud
• Chant a mantra or sing your favorite, most inspiring song
I encourage you to get creative with how you practice unplugging from thoughts that are not serving you. You will notice that the angst and stress you feel will start to decrease as your thoughts become more nurturing, supportive, and in the present moment.
Depak Chopra writes in his book Quantum Healing : "Your immune system is constantly ease dropping on your internal dialogue." Your body is always listening to how much you are stressing yourself out with your thoughts. So take your vitamin C and eat your veggies, but don't forget the importance of feeding your mind with life-enhancing thoughts.
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Dear Christine,
How do I get noticed by potential employers when they are receiving hundreds of resumes a day? - Wanting to Stand Out, Boston, 24
Dear Wanting to Stand Out,
There's nothing more disheartening than feeling like a tiny fish in a sea of hundreds of applicants. Sometimes it's just the luck of the draw and knowing the right people that lands a job; however, there are several things you can do to make yourself more visible and a stronger candidate to a hiring manager that go beyond chance and connections.
My first tip is perhaps the most obvious, but the most necessary. Make sure your resumé and cover letter are tailored to each job and are 100% error free, clearly organized and look extremely professional. You would be amazed at the number of applicants who neglect this vital step and whose resumés get discarded first. Consider even downloading a unique, yet professional font so your resumé stands out.
While you are proofreading and drafting your application materials, really showcase your experience in short, powerful statements that pop off your resumé like "increased sales by 75%" or "promoted to senior position in less than 6 months" or "supervised over 20 employees." And make sure your resume has words and NUMBERS - people like tangible things. These small changes make your resume easier to read and thus more enticing to future employers.
Another important step is to become more than a name on a piece of paper. Do whatever you can to find some kind of "human" connection at a company; don't just rely on submitting your resume on-line. Remember the six degrees of separation rule. I have a client who when she is applying for a job, sends an email out to her contact list asking if anyone has a connection at the place she is applying. This extra step will take you no time at all, and you would be surprised at how wonderful the "friends of friends" network can be. And even if you can't find a connection, try to find a number for the HR department and call to speak with the hiring manager in charge of your desired position.
And finally, in addition to your resume, create a web presence. Consider keeping a blog which showcases your abilities and expertise in a certain area. For example, if you are applying for marketing jobs, blog about current marketing trends you are seeing. Be "Google-able" and include your blog page on your resume. This shows hiring managers that you are really passionate about your future career.
Now for a different voice than my own, listen to the expert advice of Misti Burmeister, author of From Boomers to Bloggers: Success Strategies Across Generations, and CEO and Founder of Inspirion Inc., a company formed to create partnership in the world through increased communication between generations. "First, recognize that over 90% of jobs are filled by referral. The vast majority of job seekers are searching through the same medium you are, so you have to be different to get noticed. There are three ways to do this: 1. Do your research about the company you are applying to and the individual you are interviewing with, 2. Tailor your cover letter and resume to each job, 3. Professionalize your social media while searching for a job (employers DO look at them!)."
You really only get one chance to make a first impression, and your cover letter and resumé are your calling card so do some legwork and make them great. The more proactive and focused energy you invest in the way you go about your job search and present yourself, the more likely you are to stand out.
~Christine
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Dear Christine,
]I've just graduated from graduate school, but instead of feeling excited, I'm feeling really sad. I went directly to grad school after undergrad and I love the experience of being in school - I had friends around me all the time, I always knew what was expected of me, and I had few responsibilities that I couldn't manage. Now that it is coming to an end, I don't want it to end! I've worked so hard to get to this point, but now that I'm here, I just want to go back. How do I move forward?
~Longing for the Simple Life, Austin, 24
Dear Longing for the Simple Life,
It's time to come down from the ivory tower. Life as a student is like living in a bubble and many students are feeling the anticipation of the bubble bursting around this time of year - it's normal. Transitioning into the real world can be a confusing and frustrating experience, but there's no avoiding it - unless of course you decide to delay it further by going for your doctorate! Try not to obsess about the "glory days" and focus on the present moment. You are a certifiable grown-up now. And here's the good news - no more finals or pulling all nighters to finish a paper!
Your first step into the real world should be to get a job or embrace the job you have already lined up. There you will most likely be around like-minded people and will have ample opportunity to meet friends at work. Making connections outside of work will involve a little more effort on your part since friends aren't delivered like they were in college. Open yourself up to new experiences. Take that cooking class you always wanted to, join a hiking group, start becoming a regular at a favorite coffee shop - and keep in touch with your buddies from college and grad school. Just because you've all graduated doesn't mean the friendships end.
In terms of not knowing what's expected of you - you are now in charge. Focus on the expectations you have for yourself, not leftovers from parental advice or comparisons with friends. Start figuring out who you are and what you really want to do. Short term goals can be extremely gratifying. Think of one or two things you can achieve or change and can accomplish quickly. Once achieved, you will feel like you've made progress and won't feel so stagnant. Listen to the expert advice of Chris Schonberger, Editor-in-Chief for Gradspot.com and co-author of The Gradspot.com Guide to Life After College. "The challenge of finding opportunities and applying (or adapting) your skills outside the predictable structures of academia brings with it a new sense of accomplishment that is rare in school, where expectations and results are pretty well set in stone. Embrace your new independence and have fun."
A part of living in this world is having responsibilities: big and small. Why do you think you won't be able to manage these new responsibilities? You didn't take out all those student loans to rack up insecurity! Have a little more faith in yourself, and if your comfort zone lies in being a student, then keep learning in the school of life. Read up on finance, job hunting, resume advice, etc. The more knowledge you have, the easier it will be for you to learn to handle whatever comes your way.
Schonberger adds, "The notion that the "best four years of your life" are behind you is a myth. You might feel burnt out, uncertain about the future, or just sad to be leaving a comfortable lifestyle and built-in social scene, but on the flip side you no longer have to deal with the irksome aspects of student life. You can own your free time and pursue your interests beyond the confines of a syllabus."
So put on that cap and gown with a sense of excitement and maturity rather than nostalgia and embrace the next chapter of your life. You may find out the real world isn't as scary as you thought.
-Christine
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Dear Christine,
The career advice I have always heard is, "Do something you love and you will be successful." My problem is that I am 26 years old and I have a job that is okay but I don't love it. Everyone tells me to find something I am passionate about but there must be something wrong with me because I have no clue what that is. How do I find my passion?
-Passionless, Alabama
Dear Passionless,
There is nothing wrong with you. The popular career advice given out today to "follow your passion, and you will be happy and successful" is very vague and somewhat misleading. Most twenty somethings have not done enough to discover what they love to do. And the concept that each of us is born with a fire burning in our bellies for a particular career has spread like a bad flu. True, some individuals have known from a young age what they love but this is not the norm.
You see passion is not something you "find" like an apartment, a new restaurant or a great pair of shoes. Discovering your passion is an evolutionary and unique process. Most of us assume passion arrives like a thunderbolt of inspiration, instantly spreading wonderfully warm feelings and clarity about what we should do with our life. But do you know what the word "passion" truly means? Webster's defines "passion" as "powerful feeling" and "great enthusiasm." Further definitions include "emotions as distinguished from reason," "suffering," and "anger and rage." Passion is not logical; it does not express itself in tidy, left-brain career steps. Nor is passion easy. The road to passion or "great enthusiasm" may require some "suffering." You may experience "anger and rage" and "emotions distinguished from reason" to reach the "powerful feeling" of discovering passionate work.
Living out all aspects of the definition of passion was absolutely true for me. I did not discover what I enjoy doing until my late twenties, and I was not able to make a full-time career out of it until almost thirty. Along the way, I encountered frustration, disappointment, jobs I hated, dead-end career paths, and having to do things I didn't really want to. The most valuable thing that I learned is that passion is a journey. It is not something that you can find, it is a discovery process - it cannot be planned. Passion emerges from of a myriad of experiences, a commitment to do self-investigation and exploration, and a willingness to risk not adhering to societal expectations.
And just being passionate about something is not a formula for fast success, and if you try to rise too fast, you might miss important lessons along the way. Having passion doesn't keep us from experiencing pit stops in our career: sacrifices, fear, doubt, confusion, lack of money, and jobs we don't like. Don't let being stuck in one of these pit stops make you think you lack passion! Remember, passion is more a way of being than a destination, and it does not create satisfaction or ideal employment all by itself.
Also, you mentioned that you do have a job now and in this job market that is something to be grateful for. Don't reserve living a passionate life for 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. As long as your job affords you an acceptable quality of life, what is wrong with that? Passion is a matter of perspective and can be created in many different aspects of our lives. It's even possible to approach a "mundane" job with even more enthusiasm. It's important that you don't underestimate the work you do, despite how "passionless" it can feel at times. Avoid confusing passion for a career with your purpose in life.
So relax. Enjoy where you are. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not a passionless person. I know there are things in your life that you love and that you love doing. Focus on those rather than obsessing about what you think you are missing. Look for new experiences to embark on, new people to meet, and new challenges to explore. Notice how you feel and what you are thinking when you do certain things. Remember, discovering your passion is an self-instigated exploratory process - there is no manual. Allow yourself some time and be open to the possibility that your passion will find you rather than you having to find it.
-Christine
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Dear Christine,
Since I transitioned from undergrad, I feel as though I've been drinking from a fire hose! New job, new city, new friends, new home, new responsibilities, new challenges. No matter how exhilarating this period can be, it's inevitable that STRESS can creep in at certain times. I realize that life stressors will never back off, take a vacation and say, "Okay, I'll give you a pass this once." In fact, I welcome the challenge of learning how to manage it. However, it tends to take its toll in waves--some weeks are easier than others. Any advice?
Stressing to de-stress, 22, Washington DC
Dear Stressing to De-Stress,
Stress is something that plagues most of us in some way or another. Learning how to manage stress is hot topic especially during your twenties when there can be quite a lot of transitions and unknowns. To me, stress is not something to "manage" since managing stress implies that it is still going to be there. Wouldn't you rather eliminate stress by learning how to respond to it in more life-enhancing ways?
For years I tried to learn how to "manage" stress. I read books, went to yoga classes, scheduled in down time, spent time in nature and so on but I found that there was a huge roadblock to having any of these things be effective stress management techniques: my mind. Even in the midst of a great hike overlooking a beautiful view my thoughts would wander to my to-do or worry list. Or I'd be so busy that I'd find myself rushing to make it to a yoga class and be even more mentally stressed out by the time I got there! Instead of trying to manage stress by doing other things, I have found the key is to learn how to RESPOND to stress by making my mind (the true beholder of all stress) my ally rather than my nemesis.
Most stress comes in two forms: anxiety and overwhelm. Anxiety is when we are stressed about things that have not happened yet, things we are anticipating. Anxiety is basically future based worrisome thinking. Overwhelm occurs when there is so much on our plate and our thoughts become burdened with constant to-dos and a sense that we will never catch up.
When you are experiencing stress you are either anxious or in overwhelm and there are effective ways to respond to each. Let's tackle anxiety first. I guarantee you that if you are feeling anxious your mind is in the future. It is impossible to feel anxiety when you are in the present moment; thus, bringing your full attention and awareness to the here and now is the quick-fix to anxiety. You can do this by paying attention to your breathing, your body, or any other physical experience you are feeling, seeing, tasting, or hearing.
Staying in the present moment is challenging for all of us, especially when there is a specific thing that you are worried about so I want to also offer you a mental technique that combats anxiety. Imagine whatever the future event is that you are concerned about in your mind but visualize it going exactly the way you want it to go. Really bring it to life in your mind; see it, feel it, sense it, and watch it happen in a way that exceeds your best case scenario. Spend about a minute positively and powerfully visualizing the event or circumstance you are stressed about and then project yourself in your mind 15 minutes past the successful completion of the event so that you are now looking back on it. And now notice what happened to the feeling of anxiety? It will be gone!
Now onto dealing with overwhelm. We experience this feeling when we have too much vagueness in our mind and we are not focused on specific and immediate action steps. Overwhelm happens when we become so burdened by EVERYTHING that we have a hard time focusing on ANY ONE THING. The key to responding to overwhelm is a process called chunking down which is breaking down your "everything" into small, manageable parts. Write down each of the to-do items or things you have hanging over your head and then begin a process of chucking them down vertically from big-picture intangibles to specific tangibles. Let's use the example of getting all your holiday gifting complete by chucking down from most vague and far off in future to the most specific and immediate action step you can take:
- Being complete with holiday shopping
- Wrapping gifts
- Going to specific store on a specific day (repeat until complete)
- Scheduling in time to shop
- Making a list of stores I need to go to
- Online shopping for gifts I can get online
- Brainstorm gift ideas for each person
- Making a list of who I have to buy for*
Now we are at a specific, manageable step: *making a list. As soon as you arrive at this chunked down step, move into action. Overwhelm begins to disappear as soon as we move out of reaction to our seemingly overwhelming to-do list and into being proactive! Our mind is a lot calmer when we give it something tangible and do-able to focus on.
Another thing to consider when stress comes in is to take a mental vacation by recalling a time when you did feel totally at peace and relaxed. Instead of the stress taking hold of you, take hold of it. Reassure yourself that you are capable of letting go of stress even when a lot is going on. Life will continually throw us curve balls and most of us are in the habit of creating never-tending to-do lists so rather making stress your enemy, accept it and learn how to respond to it. Instead of always needing a vacation, use your mind to become a master of sending stress away on vacation!
-Christine
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Dear Christine,
I have been unemployed for nine months and I feel myself becoming more depressed about it every day. When I was first laid off, I was able to see it as an opportunity. But now after looking for a job every day with no success, I am getting really scared I will never find one. I am doing everything I know to do in terms of being proactive in my job search, but how do I change my attitude? The trite advice of "think positively" is fleeting and not working. Help!
- Unemployed, 28
Dear Unemployed,
I've addressed a question similar to yours in a recent post called "How to be jobless without feeling useless." I am sure hearing that you are not alone in your situation and the feelings that accompany it probably helps as much as telling you to think positively. So instead of giving you additional fleeting advice like "this is a blessing in disguise," I'll offer you an attitude shifting assignment. If you choose to accept it, I am asking you to commit to it 100% and not evaluate it's effectiveness until the week is over.
The intention of this assignment is to get you out of the habit and pattern of negative thinking that you are in as a result of nine months of what you perceive as unsuccessful. The other requirement to taking on this assignment is to open your mind to the possibility that it could be successful in de-funking you. I am not asking you to believe whole-heartedly that it will work, but be open to the possibility.
Step One (Day 1): Get really funky.
This may sound odd, but I'm encouraging you to do the complete opposite of thinking positively. Spend one day really in your funk - let it rip. Call people you can complain to. Allow yourself to indulge in your negative future fantasizing and fears. Do not do anything proactive or uplifting. Fully allow your chronic depleting thoughts and daily fears to run their course with the intention of releasing them. At the end of the day, notice how you feel. Chances are you will be so sick of talking and thinking about your situation in a way that makes you feel funky.
Step Two (Day 1): Assess the Worst Case Scenario.
You mentioned you are scared of never finding a job. I hear that and understand that it feels really real for you and you think about it a lot which causes additional anxiety. So instead of just thinking about what could happen, I want you to write out a worst case scenario. Write down all your fears and concerns. Describe how bad you think things could possibly get. When you are complete, burn the paper. Make this a symbolic release of all your concerns and fears.
Step Three (Days 2-7): Take a vacation from job searching.
It sounds like your job search has become a full-time job - and you have accrued some vacation time. So for the next six days, stop looking for employment. Of course respond to any interview or follow-up requests, but take a step back from your job search. Sometimes the most effective way to create a shift is to step out of the situation that is perpetuating your condition. And trust me, taking one week off will not create a catastrophic set back
Step Four (Days 2-7): Attitude Shifting Activities.
Think back to when you were working full-time, were there activities and goals on your to do list that you wished you could get to but didn't have enough time for? Has there always been something you've been "meaning to get around to"? Now is the time to do it! Do something every day that brings you joy, makes you feel happy or at peace in some way. Get creative and give yourself permission to play! Paint, go out to a long lunch with a friend, dance, spend time in nature, read a book you can get lost in, or treat yourself to a massage. Even small things like taking yourself out for ice cream go a long way. In doing this, you will begin to realize that choosing to engage in uplifting behavior actually naturally creates different thoughts - all of a sudden you may realize that you are thinking positively without even having to think about it.
Step Five (Days 2-7): Focus on Abundance
Every night before you go to sleep, write a list of everything you are grateful for that day. Record what you really enjoyed about what you did that day. Your judgments about being unemployed for nine months may have created a sense of lack in your consciousness which can feel very depressing. Focus instead on everything that you do have and recognize all the many ways you are indeed abundant.
If you fully commit to this five step process, I guarantee you will begin to experience a shift in your attitude. I cannot guarantee you that it will lead to immediate employment; however, I suspect that if you are able to create a shift in the way you are relating to this issue, the issue may start to resolve itself.
Christine
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Dear Christine,
There are layoffs going on at my company and I am getting very concerned about losing my job. What can I do to increase my odds of keeping my job?
* Pink-Slipped Paranoia, 29
Dear Pink-Slipped Paranoia,
As much as I'd love to offer you some words of wisdom that would ensure job security, there maybe absolutely nothing you can do. For the majority of companies engaging in layoffs, it's a numbers game. Businesses are facing the unfortunate reality of having to let go of great employees just to stay afloat. This reality does not mean that you should just give up so you might as well do anything and everything you can to increase your odds of attending the next company Christmas party. That way if you do end up facing a layoff, you will not have to pack any "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" up with your office supplies.
One of the most important things to remember is that people like being around people they like, so be someone that others (especially your boss) like to be around. Keep an upbeat attitude around the office rather than allowing your pink-slip paranoia to perpetuate a mood of doom and gloom. Avoid complaining and engaging in talks about layoffs. Instead of being overly concerned about yourself, focus more on the people you work with and for. Think of things you can do to make your boss's job easier. An employee who anticipates his or her superior's needs without having to be asked is extremely valuable.
Each day set the intention to create and contribute to a positive, collaborative work environment. During times of economic strain, there is often internal competition as employees fear there are more people than secure job positions. Do not adopt an "every man for himself" work ethic. Continue to be a team player and be willing to support your fellow employees. Take a genuine interest in the lives of your co-workers - while being mindful of the fine line between being a likable employee and someone trying too hard to keep their job.
Also, be willing to take on responsibilities that are outside your job description. The more productive you are, the more irreplaceable you become. Express your willingness and interest to take on new duties to your boss. It's also valuable to be proactive and figure out what you can do without asking. Spend a week paying closer attention to not only your job but also to the overall flow of the business. Come up with a few ideas that you could present to your boss rather than just relying on him or her for direction.
It's also critical to keep enhancing your skill set. What kind of class could you take to be even better at your job? Is there a type of certification or license you could obtain to make you even more of an asset? Is there a new software program or technological skill you could learn that would increase your efficiency? Investing in your own learning and professional development not only makes you more appealing to your company now, it makes you more marketable in the future.
And I know this is easier said than done, but try not to worry so much. If you are constantly looking over your shoulder for a pink-slip, your attitude and the quality of your work will suffer. If a layoff does happen, do not take it personally. Like I said, for most companies it is all about the bottom line. Although losing your job may create stress and strain, it does not have to be the end of the world. Try to reframe it as an opportunity to do some things you never had time to do or even consider a new career path. In the meantime, be as present as possible and be grateful for the job you have today instead of obsessing about tomorrow.
Christine
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A "quarter life crisis" is defined by the online dictionary Word Spy as "Feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt experienced by some people in their twenties, especially after completing their education." This phrase has been around since the early nineties but really caught on in the last ten years as more twenty-somethings began to recognize and talk about it. I became interested in the phrase when at 25 years old I began to question everything in my life and was overwhelmed with doubt, anxiety and confusion about who I was and what I really wanted in life. I woke up one day in a cold sweat and found myself in the midst of my own quarterlife crisis. The good news is that I survived it and can honestly say it was one of the best experiences of my life. Now at 33, my passion is supporting twenty-somethings in navigating their way through their quarterlife crises.
So you may be wondering, "Am I having a quarterlife crisis?" To help you answer that question, take my quarterlife crisis diagnosis quiz which consists of 25, appropriately, questions. Read each question carefully and answer quickly with a simple yes or no (don't over think it!):
1. Are you in a "funk" where you feel like nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing seems right either?
2. Do you feel older for the first time in your life?
3. Are you unmotivated, directionless or passionless?
4. Are you concerned that you don't know what you want to do with your life?
5. Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?
6. Do you feel entitled to a life much grander than the one you are living?
7. Do you often feel depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?
8. Do you feel a lot of pressure and expectations to do, have or be something?
9. Do you ever feel that time is running out in regards to figuring out your career and deciding whether you want to get married and/or have children?
10. Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?
11. Are you experiencing confusion or disappointment in your career?
12. Do you feel that you have failed because you don't know what you want to do with your life?
13. Do you know what you want to do, but can't seem to make it work?
14. Is it difficult for you to make decisions and when you do, you question them?
15. Do you overanalyze yourself?
16. Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life or feel like you are disappointing people (especially your parents)?
17. Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out more?
18. Is a breakup, romantic relationship, or lack of one causing you stress and/or sadness?
19. Are you still living at home with mom and dad?
20. Do you frequently compare yourself to other people your age and feel like you don't measure up?
21. Do you feel financially unstable?
22. Could your self-esteem use an upgrade?
23. Are you thinking about going back to grad school because you don't know what else to do with your life?
24. Are you constantly thinking about the future resulting in anxiety and possibly panic?
25. Is your life just not at all turning out like you planned?
If you answered "yes" to 12 or more of the 25 questions above, you are likely to be experiencing a quarterlife crisis. But don't worry, this is not bad news! The purpose of the quiz is to show you that you are actually going through a very normal and natural rite of passage that no one may have warned you about. You are not alone. The questions presented come from my eight years of investigating what most of us go through during our twenties which is a lot of questioning! The twenty-something years are a confusing, scary, frustrating and exciting, stimulating, and transformational time. Unfortunately, a high school or college diploma does not come with instructions for the "real world." You have to believe in and truly get to know yourself in order to have clarity about your dreams and goals as well as insights about how to reach them. But that is no easy task, especially in a society that is so externally focused and driven by expectations.
You may have bought into some misunderstanding that by your twenties, you are supposed to have your entire life figured out. This is false! The twenty-something years are a rather messy rite of passage without any fancy ceremonies or parties to mark that you are through them. Once you remove this intense pressure to do, be, and have so much on the outside, and shift your focus inside, you will see that you get to decide what your twenty-something years are really about. You are the expert, you have the answers, and you will be your own greatest motivator. Trust me. Or better yet, trust yourself.
My intention in writing this column is to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you and offer some tips for navigating your own way through it. Up until now, your entire life may have been well scripted and now you are at a point in your life where you have to answer your own questions. Before you try to answer all the questions about what to be and who to be with, there is a very fundamental question to clarify first: WHO ARE YOU? This is the question I invite you to explore between now and my column next week. Take some time to sit quietly and reflect upon this question. Write your answers and thoughts out, don't just think about them (you think enough already!).
Now for those of you thinking that you do not have time for self-discovery, my response to you is that you cannot afford not to. The alternative is to continue to spin in your quarterlife crisis and make choices based on fear, other people's advice, expectations, or societal pressures. And there is nothing wrong with that if you are prepared to have a mid-life crisis as well!
Until next week,
Your Quarterlife coach, Christine
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